Ask Erik
by phantomphan1992
Summary: Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email in my profile... I need a life.
1. Ask Erik

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

Ask Erik

Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name.

A/N: Yes, I need a life. But this should be fun…

Oh, and if you read _Phantom Academy_, I'm willing, seeing as how I haven't been updating entirely regularly, to allow reviewers to write chapters and submit them to me via PM or email.


	2. Shakespeare?

Disclaimer: I do not own _Phantom of the Opera_. Aww… I'm going to have to get over it. Also, I'm not Erik. Nope, not me. Shock, yes, but no. Just your average phan girl.

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

Erik, what is your opinion of Shakespeare?

-Saloma-Kiwi

Dear Saloma,

Ah, Shakespeare… Yes, wonderful writer. Not quite the level of someone like, say, myself, but not bad.

-Erik


	3. Swishy Cape Thing

Disclaimer: I do not own _Phantom of the Opera_. Tragic… Also, I'm not Erik. Shocked? Well, I'm just your every-day phan girl…

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

In an entirely serious manner, just how many hours did you practice  
perfecting your swishy cape move?

-Gerikslover

Dear Gerikslover,

Let me put it this way; I live alone in a basement five stories below ground. I have nothing but time on my hands. There is almost nothing to do _but _practice the swishy cape move.

-Erik


	4. Phan Girls

Disclaimer: I do not own _Phantom of the Opera_. Tragic… Also, I'm not Erik. Shocked? Well, I'm just your every-day phan girl…

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

What do you think about your huge phan following (or cult, rather...)? Is there any hope for ANY of us? (smiles sweetly)

-erik's-white-rose

Dear rose,

I really can't say much about the phan girls, since that would be _slightly _hypocritical of me. I can, however, assure you that I'm still heart-broken over Christine. If there's any hope for you, it'll be another… Hundred years or so. As soon as these insolent fools stop rubbing it in my horribly disfigured face, anyway.

-Erik


	5. Different Versions

Disclaimer: I do not own _Phantom of the Opera_. Tragic… Also, I'm not Erik. Shocked? Well, I'm just your every-day phan girl…

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

What is your favorite and least favorite version of you?

-Gerikslover

Dear Gerikslover,

You know, that's a really good question. Although Leroux seemed to capture me brilliantly, I must say, I quite enjoy those pants Gerik wears during "Point of No Return." As for my least favorite version, I don't necessarily have one, but I'm only slightly fearful of Robert Englund's version…

-Erik

A/N: Let me just say, I have nothing against Robert Englund. He did have a brilliant Phantom. Creepy, but brilliant...


	6. Christine

Disclaimer: I do not own _Phantom of the Opera_. Tragic… Also, I'm not Erik. Shocked? Well, I'm just your every-day phan girl…

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

Erik, if you are living alone...what's become of Christine?

your most audacious authoress

Dear audacious authoress,

As you know, Christine left me some time ago. I do not know for certain what has become of her, but if you were to consult such novels as _Phantom _by: Susan Kay or _Phantom of Manhattan _by: Frederick Forsyth, they give their version. But, believe it or not, since leaving me, she has not written _once!_ The ungrateful little…

-Erik


	7. Lots of Letters

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

As you must know, the time of Halloween is fast approaching and many serious  
Trick-or-Treaters, like myself, are preparing their costumes. So, seeing as I  
can't seem to get plans of costume-makeup and sewing patterns out of my  
head... what was your most favorite ever costume (besides Red Death) that you  
put together?

Respectfully,

WanderingTeen

Dear WanderingTeen,

My favorite costume ever… Well, as I've said before, I rather liked those pants Gerik wore during _Don Juan… _Other than that, I would have to say my favorite was my fifth Halloween costume… I went as a pumpkin.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

Had Raoul not hooked up with Christine do you think you two could have been  
friends?

Your Phan,

Makenna

Dear Makenna,

I honestly couldn't tell you. He seems like a nice enough guy, but a bit too sane to be friends with a near-mad man such as myself. But who knows…

-Erik

Dear Erik,

How accurate is Susan Kay's "Phantom" in regards to your life... Namely your  
experiences in Persia (and with the Persian). All he bothered to tell Leroux  
was that you did him some "small services", so if "Phantom" isn't true, what  
is?

I'm sorry if that's multiple questions in one-- the supposed friendship  
between you two is one of my favorite aspects of the SK novel.

Yours Truly,

MadMar

Dear MadMar,

I was certainly surprised to see Susan Kay's novel was so true to what actually happened, all things considering. I guess I don't entirely blame her for not consulting with me, seeing as how I've been a bit… Hard to reach for some time.

But Kay did a splendid job of capturing the guarded relationship the Persian and I developed over the years.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

Have you ever done something embarrassing, like stumbled when supposed to  
look dignified or forgotten to pull up your flies? 

-Elphie89

Dear Elphie89,

Who hasn't done something embarrassing. For me, it was (and I am most grateful that Mr. Leroux failed to mention this in his book) tripping down the stairs during the Masquerade Ball. Let me tell you, that was _not _an easy costume to move around in…

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I'm not a huge tea fan and only really prefer one kind: licorice. But I want  
to "broaden my horizons" and have tried various other teas, however hardly any  
of them are to my liking. Since you've traveled around a bit, I'm guessing  
you've had multiple types of tea in your lifetime...what would you recommend?

-Punjab Princess

Dear Princess,

Out of the various teas I've tried, I must say, my favorite has been of the English variety. I've found, however, that I've acquired a taste for coffee in the past few decades.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

What would you do if you had an Ipod?

-Genny

Dear Genny,

An Ipod? Oh, you mean those little music players… I honestly don't know if I'd know how to work one. I suppose I'd fill it with my favorite operas… And that delightful Panaro fellow.

-Erik

A/N: Yeah, I'm listening to Hugh Panaro right now, so that's where that last thing came from…


	8. Lots More Letters

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

I'm in a pickle. I auditioned for a musical at the college rather on impulse.  
Thinking through now, I have classes, a birthday coming up, and I desperately  
am trying to get a job. Somehow I know I won't be able to balance all this at  
once but would feel bad for bowing out of the musical. What's your opinion?

Anxiously waiting,  
Punjab Princess

Dear Princess,

What a pickle indeed. You're right; it wouldn't be fair of you to drop out at this point. My suggestion to you is to sit down and work out a schedule. When do you have rehearsals? Classes? Leave time for homework everyday. You may feel like a nerd for doing so, but trust me, it will pay off.

-Erik

Dear Erik,  
Thank you so much for answering my question. However, the moment after I sent  
you my last question, I thought up a new question.  
My school was once two schools: a high school and a junior high. Now it's a  
huge high school connected by a long hallway called "The Tunnel".  
Now, my school is populated mostly by stupid little people who think that its  
trendy to STAND IN THE BLOODY MIDDLE OF THE TUNNEL AND REFUSE TO MOVE SO I CAN GET TO HISTORY.  
Now, my friend, I've done everything to move this mental deficits. I've  
screamed at them to move. I've pushed them. I've mocked them and laid in the  
middle of the tunnel and screamed at the top of my lungs that I'm so trendy  
and no one can get by because I'm so trendy.  
THEY WILL NOT MOVE.  
So, my dear Phantom... being that I am only 17 and have no access to weaponry  
of any kind (except for a short and violent friend who has no more luck than I  
in moving these buffoons), how do you suggest that I move these people? 

Respectfully,

WanderingTeen

Dear Wandering,

With your friends, form a human chain and plow the "little people" down. Other than that, I honestly don't know what you can do, aside from what you've been doing.

-Erik

Dear Erik,  
What do you think of the pairing of yourself and Meg Giry?

L.Giry

Dear Giry,

To be quite honest, I hardly know Meg. I'm sure she's a sweet girl, but we're only acquaintances. So as for how I feel about the pairing, I'm pretty neutral.

-Erik

Dear Erik,  
Why didn't you just kill the fop when you first saw him with Christine? 

-Phantomofthebasket

Dear Basket,

Because that would have been entirely too anticlimactic.

-Erik

Dear Erik,  
Now that "The Phantom of the Opera" is the longest running Broadway musical  
in history (which I have seen twice), how do you feel about it?

-PhantomKitten

Dear Kitten,

I suppose I'm ecstatic, aside from the fact that my life-story has been exploited (slightly inaccurately). But I suppose that Webber fellow knew a bit about music, once upon a time…

-Erik

Dear Erik,

How did you feel when, for the 2004 movie, they changed when you downed the  
chandelier? Not to mention all the other changes in lyrics and the addition of  
a chapel to the opera house?

-Lynandreth

Dear Lynandreth,

I didn't mind so terribly about the lyric changes and the addition of the chapel. I did, however, feel unnerved by the change of the chandelier drop. I mean, I liked it where I dropped it in the first place. Why must they change it?

-Erik

A/N: Sorry to cut the last one off so awkwardly, but I have an orchestra concert and wanted to get this posted before I left.


	9. Violas & Phangirls & Bus Seats, Oh my!

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

I have said on many occasions, "Beware the fangirls!" This applying to, not  
only the "phangirls" but all other girls who are fans. They are seriously  
dangerous and not to by toyed with. So, that said, have you ever been mobbed  
by a group of said psychos?

Respectfully,

the Semi-sane Voice of What-Might-Be-Called-Reason-On-Occasion  
Amongst the Phangirls,

Saloma-Kiwi

Dear Saloma,

I must say, I am very rarely been mobbed by phan girls. Generally I do a superb job of hiding, but there is the occasional attack… The most recent one, however, should have taught them to stay away… Far away.

-Erik

Dear Erik,  
I have a claimed seat on the school bus. It is the thrid seat on the driver's  
side in case anyone was wondering. Anyhoo... the afternoon kids are fairly  
good at keeping away from my seat, but the morning people... now the morning  
people need a wake up call and they need to STAY AWAY FROM MY SEAT!  
Any suggestions in what I should do to make the middle schoolers learn  
whose seat it is?  
-Basket-

Dear Basket,

Perhaps you should try my method. Start with polite notes, and, when that doesn't work, casualties usually seem to get the point across. Unless, of course, you're dealing with idiot managers…

-Erik 

Dear Erik,

I'm in orchestra, and I would have to ask what you think of Viola players,  
such as myself. Scratches head Our judge for sight reading my first music  
fest said we would be fighting for the rest of our lives. D: And since you're  
a musical genius, is this true? God Bless.

-The Cure

Dear Cure,

As a violinist, phantomphan is having a hard time refraining from spouting out viola jokes. I, however, have a deep love for all musical instruments. The viola is no exception. And fight for your lives you shall, as phantomphan has clearly demonstrated. But I have faith that you'll pull through.

-Erik

Dear Erik

I do love you and I feel horrible for you when Christine left. But as you  
look back do you ever think you were a little Christine? 

Your Obedient Servant,

POP

Dear POP,

Thank you for your kind words. Looking back, I think I could have backed off a bit, but the past is the past, and there's nothing I can do to change it… Until the time machine is completed, anyway…

-Erik


	10. Letters Galore!

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,  
I am a struggling actress and singer, and haven't had much luck with my  
natural talents being noticed. It has been difficult because my passion for  
such arts is so immense, and I truly wish to be recognized for my abilities. I  
have talent, but no one has given me the proper roles to best perform that  
talent. I am always in the chorus and never the lead. How can I improve myself  
and gain more acclaim when no one will give me the slightest chance?

Always dreaming,  
Wednesday Rose

Dear Rose,

My only suggestion is to keep trying. Getting discouraged will get you nowhere. Look what happened to Christine when she first began in Paris. Give it time, and they'll come around.

Dear Erik,

I love to act and sing in my school's musical, and I am decent, but my  
theatre teacher plays favorites. Last year when we performed High School  
Musical, I was cast as a teacher, and a horrible actress was cast as Sharpay.  
What should I do to get noticed?

-Genny

Dear Genny,

Again, give it time. If your teacher's playing favorites, then he/she is not being fair and just. I would let it go and keep on trying for the lead. And who knows? One of these days, he may pick you for the lead.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

My brother can't sing. Nor can he play his... cornet, is it? He does them  
both VERY badly. Any suggestions in what I could do while he plays/sings?

-Basket-

Dear Basket,

May I suggest the note trick? Or, if you suppose that will get you in trouble, you could simply listen to your own music… Loudly. While taking a walk. Away from your brother.

-Erik

A/N: If you sent me a letter and I DIDN'T post it, that's probably because I'm still thinking about my answer. They will be in the next post, though...


	11. More Letters

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

With rehearsals getting more intense, it's getting harder to find a job that  
will work around the odd schedule of school and the musical. The director  
keeps changing around days randomly so it's almost impossible to keep tabs on  
when I could work and would need the day off. He's making it quite impossible  
for anyone to work, really. I don't know what to do. I don't want to drop the  
musical now, I need money, and I don't think I can demand 20,0 francs from our  
director.

Incredibly flustered,  
Prima Donna of the gutter

Dear Gutter,

If it's getting that bad, you might need to drop out of the musical. I know it might seem like you're not being fair, but you need to put yourself first. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you won't give your best performance, and that's worse than quitting.

-Erik

Erik, what do you think of ALW's attempt to portray your Don Juan Triumphant  
opera? How does it compare with your original manuscript? I would think, as  
an opera composer, you wouldn't be able to stand the Broadway sap...LOL! On  
that note, who are your favorite composers?

Audacious Authoress

Dear Audacious,

I'm certainly glad, for the sake of the audience, he did not get my opera right. In short, there are very little similarities between the two. Strangely enough, though, I don't mind so much. It was my work, and I don't know if I'd want them to be alike.

As for my favorite composers, while I admire most classical composers, I'd have to say I would be my favorite.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

What's your favorite food?

-Basket-

PS: I'm sorry, it was bugging me! I just had to know!

Dear Basket,

My favorite food would have to be brussel sprouts.

Yeah, that's it.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I've been working on a musical for nearly a year now, and I have nearly all  
the songs written, and most of the dialog. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at  
playing the piano yet, and my musical theory is weak at best. I can't even  
think about trying to write a half-way decent score. Any advice?

Much obliged,

Selah

Dear Selah,

Have you ever considered collaborating with someone who _does_ know how to write a great score and produce the best result?

However, if you're completely against that, you could take a music theory class, if any are offered nearby.

Best of luck!

-Erik

A/N: I apologize for the delay. School became crazy for a while with my first biology test and other work, and then I simply forgot to update. I'm really sorry...


	12. Goodness, Look at the Letters

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

Ask Erik

Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name.

Dear Erik,

As much as I would love to ignore it, my past has come back to haunt me, and  
for this reason I turn to you (all knowing one, lol). Anyway, in truth I am  
looking for love, but because of my past I feel as though certain people will  
not allow this, for fear it shall take away their chances at having me to  
themselves. In spite of them I have asked my friends if they knew anyone for  
me. Sadly they didn't. And to make things worse, I myself have had many boys  
that I would have liked reject me because they were either taken by another or  
gay (even when they don't look it). Should I just give up and give into my  
past, seeing as two people are pushing me into it, and that I may have no  
other choice?

waiting for what you'll type,  
Aurina: Angel of Light

Dear Light,

Do not give up on love and most certainly do not give into your past. As long as you are not a hideously deformed psychopath such as myself, you can have another chance at love.

As for those two people, tell them, as the Americans nowadays say, to put a sock in it. Repeatedly, if necessary.

Best of luck!

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I am an aspiring singer and actress and find Sarah Brightman!Christine and  
your own Michael Crawford!Erik incarnation quite inspiring (although, I will  
admit, I have only ever heard the Original Cast Recording CD, and have not  
seen the play live on stage with any actors). Would you say that Crawford!Erik  
and Brightman!Christine are good models for a young singer? How about Gerard  
Butler!Erik and Emmy Rossum!Christine?

Respectfully yours,

Qweckyl the Squirrel

Dear Oweckyl,

I would agree with you that Brightman and Crawford have delightful incarnations of Christine and myself. As for Mademoiselle Rossum, I do believe that in a few years, with a superb vocal teacher, she could be absolutely stunning. However, Monsieur Butler would do well to quit smoking.

-Erik

Dear Erik (you're so adorable),

If I may be so bold, what were you referring to in the reply to Saloma-Kiwi's  
question?

Quote: "Generally I do a superb job of hiding, but there is the occasional  
attack… The most recent one, however, should have taught them to stay  
away… Far away."

That's quite an eyebrow-riser! Thank you for answering my previous question!

Elphie89  
P.S.(Be prepared for more questions from me);)

Dear Elphie89,

I'm afraid I told the authorities I would keep it confidential. However, I can tell you that it required the use of the persuasive powers of the Punjab.

-Erik

Dearest Erik.  
Let's face it, everyone knows you are a evil genius.  
I was wondering what advice you could give an aspiring evil genius like  
myself? (Like mastering the evil laugh of one.)  
Thank you for your time. It was a pleasure.

Love,  
CultureVulture.

Dear Vulture,

To perfect your evil laugh, I would suggest you listen to some of your favorites and attempt to imitate them. Then, once you have a few down, being to develop your own.

One of the biggest tricks to being an evil genius is to instill a sense of fear into others. Now, I'm not recommending you go around killing people as I did, because that would be bad, and you need to develop your own style of evil-doing to separate yourself from any comic book villain.

One more thing: if you plan on sending a video message to the masses, stroking a cat sitting in your lap is a MUST.

Best of luck, and I will anxiously be awaiting your new world order.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I have a tendency of almost always wearing black formal mens wear were ever I  
go, kids at my school think I'm seriosly cracked, I usually just tell them to  
( insert loud beep here) off. What is your opinion.

Your "Sick and tired of preppy high-school brats" admirer

D. N'Shard

Dear N'Shard,

Black is amazing. So is men's formal wear. It's served me well for 150 or so years.

Next time someone mentions your fashion choice, try to ignore it. I wouldn't care what any Abercrombie and Fitch clad high schoolers think.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

You must have written quite a lot of music over the years. Which piece is  
your favorite? (I'm guessing Don Juan but I may be wrong.) Also, what do you  
think about more when writing a piece of music: the lyrics or the melody?  
Being a writer I tend to think about words more than music but that might be  
because I am not very gifted as far as music goes. 

Yours truly,

TigerLily21

Dear TigerLily,

_Don Juan _was a spectacular piece of work, but I would have difficulty deciding on a favorite when it comes to my own music.

As for the second question, I believe neither is more important. Melody gives it beauty and lyrics give it depth. Now, that's not saying chamber pieces without lyrics have no depth- lyrics simply add to the depth.

-Erik

Dear Erik, 

If you are annoyed with the fop (he must die now!) and phangirls, why not get  
a restraining order? Also, would you hook up with Elphaba from Wicked if she  
asked you? Peace! 

-Angel of Phantoms

Dear Angel,

Now, why did I not think of this before? Thank you, my dear reader.

Elphaba seems like a lovely girl; perhaps someday someone will pair us together…

-Erik

Dearest Erik,  
Greetings from upstated New York. I was wondering if you have been following  
the 2007 Rugby World Cup? Also, I have an evil sister who threatens me on a  
daily basis with the promise of bodily harm. Would you happen to have any  
suggestions as to how I could avoid said bodily harm, dear Phantom? Also, what  
are your opinions on Les Miserables and have you met Jean Valjean or Inspector  
Javert? I think you would get along marveolusly with the dear Inspector. He is  
quite a nice chap.  
I am terribly sorry for my multipule questions my good man, but I have a  
very...sporratic mind. Please enjoy your weeks upto and following Halloween  
and say hello to Monsieur Kay!Erik for me.

Good day to you, Sir,

Pontmercy for President

Dear Pontmercy,

I'm afraid I have not been following the Rugby World cup.

As for your evil sister, have you tried talking to your parents? If you have, or you do and it doesn't work, may I suggest hiding yourself in your lair to avoid harm…

Les Miserables is quite spectacular. I must admit, I have never met either man. I have been hiding out in my lair far too long.

I do not mind your questions, and sporadic minds are the best kind.

Monsieur Kay!Erik says hello.

-Erik

Dear Erik:

If you had to choose one person to be paired with in a fic besides Christine,  
who would you choose and why?

Love,  
mrmistoffelees

Dear mrmistoffelees,

If I could be paired with anyone, I would have to pick my swishy cape. He's far too underappreciated.

-Erik

My Dearest Erik,

Will you marry me? I assure you, I am willing to obtain a divorce for the  
sake of our love...the love of the most exquisite kind!

(Batting eyelashes rapidly)  
Your most devoted phan,  
iamphantomgirl (aka, the last house on the left, if you've forgotten...)

Dear imaphantomgirl,

It all depends. Are you:

A. A chorus girl/ballet girl whom I have or could train to become a world-renowned Prima Donna

B. Willing to, in the event that you are being pursued by a dashing young viscount, chose me over him, even if he is entirely more handsome than myself and most certainly in possession of more sanity than myself.

and C. Not at all adverse to living underground .

If you answered yes to all the above, then most I most certainly will marry you.

Dear Erik,  
Why are you answering all these questions? Is it willingly, or do you just  
not have a life after Christine left you for a fop? Do tell.  
-Basket-

Dear Basket,

looks at authoress

I mean, of course I'm doing it on my own accord.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I must ask - half mask, full mask, chin-length mask, or William Finley mask?

And, eye color?

Yours Quite Sincerely,

The Shadowy Phantom

Dear Shadowy,

Full mask with yellow eyes.

Most definitely.

-Erik

A/N: I'm almost caught up with all the letters!


	13. MarySues, Magicians, and Punjabs

Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I'll get over it. Also, I hate to disappoint, but I'm not really Erik. Shocking, yes, but no. I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill teenage phan girl.

Ask Erik

Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name.

Dear Erik,  
I am an aspiring performer. I most definately love both the stage and my  
flute. I am already into depth with my flute, but I also want to start  
performing, I don't have enough time for both, so which one would you choose?

A Wondering Musician

Dear Musician,

I really can't answer that for you. My only advice would be to try acting, and if you find that you enjoy it more, go for it. But if playing the flute is still your preference, go with that.

Good luck!

-Erik

My dearest and most beloved opera ghost Erik,

First off, i would like to say that im a huge phan of yours and i do love  
you. My life revolves around you...might i also add that i also adore your  
pants in past the point of no return (but for my own ish ).Any ways...I was  
just wondering what is the quickest way to make a punjab lasso? Can you make  
one using any thing, not just cat gut? Your the only person i knew that i  
could ask and get an resonable answer from. After all, you are the master of  
all punjabs. I can't wait for your responce.

With the most undying and sincere love,  
Phantom Phan: pirate-of-the-opera

Dear pirate,

The fastest way to make a Punjab is to practice. As for how to make one, I have no idea. I've been making them the same way for as long as I can remember: with, as you said, cat guts.

-Erik

Dear Darling Erik,

Allow me to start off with a big "I love you". Now that that's out of the  
way, and I'm able to hold back my phangirlishly tendencies, I'm going to ask  
my question:  
I am a Mary Sue. I have blonde hair, bug-like (hahaha Emmy Rossum) blue  
eyes, milky-white skin, really smart, great at art, acting, and singing (my  
choir director has me fill in in tenor, alto, and soprano whereever I'm needed  
for the day), and I even attract ANIMALS for Gawd's sake. and of course, I'm  
writing a phanphic where I'm entering myself into your story. (Sorry-had to  
do it!) What can I do to...well, not be so darned Sue-ish?!

Faithfully and Lovingly Yours,  
Aminta Kristine

Dear Kristine,

I don't know how on Earth to make yourself less of a Mary-Sue. If I suggested anything, I would say either leave out the whole animal thing or try to make it a comedy.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I am a writing major in college and I desperatly want to be a magician. My  
mom, however, says, "NO!" Seeing as you know everything there is about the  
performing arts, what do you say?

- mrmistoffelees

Dear mrmistoffelees,

Either hypnotize her so she will allow it, or sit her down and talk with her reasonably, explaining that magic gives you greater joy than anything.

If she still refuses to see your side, finish college and then being studying to be a magician. That way, if being a magician does fail, which I certainly hope it does not, you'll have a fall-back.

Best of luck!

-Erik

Advice for Wanderingteen:

a)kick the offenders repeatedly in the shins until they move

b) bring something VERY HEAVY to school and threaten to beat them over the  
heads repeatedly. If they do not move, raise it high above your head as though  
preparing to bring it down upon their annoying little skulls. If they still do  
not listen, put it away and resort to option (a)

c) learn to cuss in another language

d)learn an insanely annoying song and repeatedly sing it off-key while doing  
option (a)

e)tell the principal

f) preform options (b) and (d) together

g) bring a squirt gun to school and shoot them with it until they move.  
refill when neccessary.

h) all of the above

greatest luck with the midgets,

JS

A/N: I think I've caught up. However, if you have submitted a letter and not received a response, please let me know so I can take care of it. Thanks!

Also, wish me luck on my biology test Wednesday, which I should be studying for instead of writing right now.


	14. Sorry for the Delay!

Disclaimer: I do not own _Phantom of the Opera_. Tragic… Also, I'm not Erik. Shocked? Well, I'm just your every-day phan girl…

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,  
As far as I know, there is a new movie being worked on called "Angel of  
Music", which tells of a modern day reporter (named Eric) who tries to find  
out the truth of your story by reading the original novel and searching for  
physical evidence. How do you feel about the fact that there is a movie  
finally being made that gives some credit to the original novel? (I for one,  
am psyched!)  
PotterPhantomKitten

Dear Kitten,

I'm experiencing mixed emotions. Of course, it would be nice to be recognized, but at the same time, I've quite enjoyed my quiet lair for some time, and if it were to be discovered, could you imagine the phan girl mob?

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I don't mean to be a bother, but honestly... Don't you think I've tried that  
already? I mean, I can understand that whole 'tell them to shut up' thing. But  
I've said that to them so many times before I'm actually starting to think  
it's losing its meaning. And though I keep up my defences, those two fools  
will not budge from their POVs. A part of me just wishes I had never met  
them!  
Plus, the only 3 guys who have EVER liked me were all idiots. I mean, can't I  
just find one guy, ONE to speak of recent events of both paranormal and  
normal! Someone to just- ...Wait... Ok, here's one question:  
Is it normal for a guy who is SUPOSSEDLY dating you to not touch you (not  
even to hold you're hand) for a week?  
Sorry, had to ask. "  
But beyond that, I don't really know what is wrong with me. I mean, all of my  
friends say that I'm practically perfect in every way. So if that is true why  
doesn't a single INTELLIGENT person like me? What is wrong with me so that I  
know how to change myself in a more well rounded way that doesn't hurt myself  
or others?

Can't wait for my answers,  
Aurina

Dear Aurina,

To answer one of the sentences ending in a question mark, that could be a bit unusual for him to not even hold your hand if he has in the past… Have you tried talking to him?

As for the rest of the questions, I'm afraid I really can't help much. Just don't lose hope. I mean, as long as you're not hideously deformed…

-Erik

Dear Erik,  
I'm a singer thats always shoved to the side and told all I'm good for is  
backup singing, what should I do to prove I'm a good singer? Also whats the  
best way to get rid of a prima donna that thinks she's "all that" when she  
makes you want to plug your ears?  
Awaiting your advice,  
Monkeygirl91

Dear Monkeygirl,

Patients, practice, and more patients. As for the prima donna, I don't suppose you have a masked man obsessing over you that would take care of it for you… I think you may just have to put up with her, because that could very well be what happens in the "real world," not that I would really know…

-Erik

Dear Erik:  
As we all know, you live five layers below the Opera House (I think... am I  
right?) So... we all know you rarely go upstairs at all (upstairs being  
outside). So when you take your very rarely ventures outside... what season do  
you find you end up liking the most?  
-Basket-

Dear Basket,

When I've ventured into the outdoors, I find I like spring or autumn best, simply because they're cool enough for me to wear my swishy cape and regular attire but not so cold that I find myself shivering.

-Erik

Dear Erik

I went as you for Halloween (and had a little too much fun with the cape in  
the process.) Anyway, how do you feel about that? Are you honored or does it  
creep you out?

Ange De Fromage

Dear Fromage,

That may be ever-so-slightly creepy, but I suppose I'm flattered.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

I am a HUGE fan and I love you very much. the problem is: #1 all  
my friends and family say I love you TOO much and #2, when kids at school ask  
what I listen to (musicals, musicals, musicals), I clam up and don't respond  
because I'm too afraid they'll say somthing rude to me like last year. Both of  
these things hurt my feelings VERY much. PLEASE help!  
your friend and fan,  
bp

Dear bp,

You can never love me too much. I'm too cute. 

As for the second part of the question, if they tease you about your taste in music, then they're quite immature. However, I understand that it may hurt your feelings, so perhaps if you laugh with them, they'll laugh less and it will hurt less.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, but living five stories underground hasn't given me much social experience.

Dearest M. le Fantome,

I actually have three questions rolled into one.

First and foremost, I am in love with a boy in my musical theater group.  
Unfortunately, the object of my affections is four years older than me and has  
at least one other girl with a major crush on him (actually, she's my friend,  
and we have a history of liking the same boy), probably more. I hate to bring  
up painful memories, but as you fell in love with Christine, who was several  
years younger than you, you should know: What are the chances of the two of us  
getting together?

Secondly, several of the less talented, more banal people in the  
aforementioned musical theater group are getting lead roles while I am stuck  
in chorus. I have been in the group for a few years and have certainly "earned  
my dues", as it were. I am not making any claims to being the next Christine  
Daaé, but I know that I have a better voice and am a better actress than some  
other people. I know that some directors play favorites, but even so.

And while I'm here, what is your favorite color? I've been dying to know...

Love from,  
Mlle. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

Dear Mlle,

I don't know too much about the situation, but never fear: there is hope for you and your crush, especially if you make an effort to get to know him better.

As for your other situation, you could ask the directors what you could do to improve, because they'll either tell you what they're looking for or they'll be embarrassed and you'll know for a fact whether they're playing favorites or not.

My favorite color is, of course, black.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

If you had to choose between losing Christine and losing yor life to the mob  
at the end of the 2004 movie, which would you choose? I LOVE YOU!

your obediant servant,

PhantomsAngel07

Dear PhantomsAngel,

Of course you saw how it ended, but at that point, I was ready to die.

-Erik

Mssr. Opera Ghost,  
I am in a bit of an awkward situation...

After being in love with this guy for about a month, he tells me he loves  
me, and asks if I feel the same. (I told him I did, duh)

But just a short time ago he told me he didn't love me after all. So now I'm  
still in love with this jerk because my traitorous heart won't quit.  
I want to get completely over him, but I just can't seem to shake this.

Added to that, he's moving to another country!

Do you have any advice for me?

Ebs

Dear Ebs,

In time, your pain should completely dull and you'll hopefully move on. He doesn't sound like the kindest person, and I'm sure you deserve better.

-Erik 

Dear Erik

What do you think of Erik/Raoul slash?

-BialystockandBloom

Dear Bloom,

I think I've despised this man too long to suddenly fall deeply, unabashedly in love with him.

-Erik

A/N: My dear, sorry for the delay. I could give you some excuse about school and craziness, but I'm not going to.


	15. Perhaps I Need a Life

Disclaimer: I do not own _Phantom of the Opera_. Aww… I'm going to have to get over it. Also, I'm not Erik. Nope, not me. Shock, yes, but no. Just your average phan girl.

_Ask Erik_

_Ask Erik anything, from relationship questions to what he thinks you should make for dinner. All questions will be subject to publication. Submit your questions via review, PM, or email (in my profile). All (pen)names and emails are guaranteed confidential granted you provide an alternate name._

Dear Erik,

I am not going to drool over you and make you think that I am some  
disgusting "Mary-sueish" fangirl who wants to huggle you and do all sorts of  
other ridiculous things that would no doubt be embarrassing to both you and I.  
I have a question regarding my own awkwardness in the fact that you and I have  
one similarity. We are handicapped, (that's what we would call your face in  
the modern world.) My friends all say that I am weird because in all of my  
Phantom stories you either have found love or will at some point. Tell me, do  
you think it's weird that I want you to be happy?

Courgly:  
Phantombeliever

Dear Believer,

That's very kind of you to wish me happiness… Thank you.

-Erik

Dear Erik,

During my most recent bus trip between cities, I happened to sit next to a  
very charming lady. She wore a bonnet and sunglasses for the entire 5-hour  
ride. We ended up talking for the majority of the trip, and it struck me that  
she had a very pretty, slightly accented voice. Being a musician myself, I  
found it natural to discuss my art, and she revealed that she herself did some  
singing a very, very long time ago. We then spoke about opera, and she became  
very passionate, speaking about opera as though she had performed it herself.  
But as soon as I began to show interest in her knowledge of opera, she  
suddenly became very close-mouthed and somewhat sad. 

On her finger, she wore a ring, though she told me it wasn't from her  
husband, but from a very dear friend. This "dear friend" apparently taught  
her everything during her childhood, and she was unhappy she had never again  
seen him. She only gave me her first name: "Chrissy" and said her last name  
was "Daniels." Then, at another point in the trip, she forgot "Daniels" and  
said it was "Day." And toward the end of the trip, she said it was "Diana"  
before catching herself, saying: "Oh, I meant that's my middle name." Then she  
laughed (a very nervous laugh, though quite bell-like in sound) and quickly  
changed subjects.

I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but perhaps this was your long-lost  
Christine?

Respectfully yours,  
Audacious

Dear Audacious,

Wow, that's quite a story. It could very well have been Christine. I suppose there's no way to know for sure, though…

-Erik

Monsouir Erik,

I am curious: what is your opinion on--dare I say it?--rap? Should it REALLY  
be considered music? Quite honestly, I cannot stand it. I consider it cRAP  
rather than music... there is no tune, just a rhythm! Honestly, how poeple  
could confuse the two is beyond me. What is your opinion?

Your humble,

Saloma-Kiwi

Dear Saloma,

Please, do not get me started on rap. I appreciate the artists' right to self-expression, but could there be any more obnoxious way to express one's self? I think not.

-Erik

Dear Erik  
I have been a singer since the age of seven but lately it seems people have  
lost interest of my voice. Could you please help me find my angle of music to  
help my voice become amazing again

waiting,  
deformed2

Dear deformed,

Why certainly. For the low price of 20,000 francs per month, I'll happily lend my AOM skills to anyone.

However, if even such a low price is too much, you could try talking to experts and see what they have to say.

Good luck!

-Erik

A/N: Sorry if you like rap music, but I'm not a fan, and I'm sure Erik wouldn't be too pleased with it, either.


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